Roots, Nodding and Anonymity

I have roots. And I don’t mean the dark ones that people who dye their hair have. I have roots in my town, and this makes me sad. I walk around my town and I see people who I know from school, their siblings, my mothers friends, people from church, people who work with my friends and people who, despite the fact I don’t know them, I say hello to anyway – because I should know them.

I see myself coming back here in 10 years time and still wandering around nodding at everyone. Or worse, what if I’m the local who is being nodded at?

As a closeted Super Dyke, the prospect of anonymity appeals greatly to me. Not total anonymity perhaps, but just enough that I don’t feel my future will be influenced by my past. A city would suit me nicely. I don’t want to be lonely; I just want to be myself. I feel like my roots are dragging me back, but I don’t want to be a wanderer.

Is it any wonder that many lesbians pack up and move to the big smoke as quickly as they can slam the closet door? People in small towns always whinge that there are no lesbians there – is this because they also feel this migratory instinct? And when we migrate, are we doomed to return some day to find it all the same?

And would I even mind if I stayed away?