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Straight Talking
About Me


Name::straighttalker05
From::Northern Ireland, United Kingdom
I'm an avid dreamer. I have big ideas, and I'll probably take them somewhere. Watch this space. I want to present what I think - and not with words minced up into an acceptable platter. Some things need to be told straight - particularly gay rights. Particularly life in the closet, it's very nature means no one hears it. If they do it's usually tinted with nostalgia. I'm confident, I know what I like and what I don't. Please don't confuse this for arrogance. I'm probably more insecure then you imagine.
View my complete profile


Straight Talker is a poor student now.

Buy her a drink for 2 quid!

Recent Posts

Coming Out of the Woodwork
Clean Air Prevails
You Big Pansy
Pink Pounds… Lots of Them
Gordon Doesn't Like Us
On The Move
Beware Gay Music
Safe Sex For Dummies
London Baby Yeah
Closet Case

Archives

August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Clean Air Prevails

The smoking ban draws near. Indeed, there are less than 100 days till the much-discussed ban takes effect. On July 1st of this year we will be smoke-free. Smokers will hate me, but I’m secretly a little bit pleased.

From a purely selfish point of view, I don’t like having stinging eyes in a club because someone has wagged their fag in my direction. I dislike people coming to the bar in work and blowing their mouth full of smoke in my direction before demanding a VK. I don’t like waking up and smelling my clothes – which, ultimately need to be power cleaned to get rid of the stench of a habit that isn’t even my own.

Indeed, it’s a personal choice whether or not to smoke, and smokers are perfectly entitled to. However, I don’t, so don’t force me to. I like garlic, but I try not to breathe it on everyone. I like singing, but I don’t gulder at everyone all night long (unless, of course, you are at a concert in which I’m singing, in which case you will get what you paid for).
I’m not up on any high horse. I’m not bashing anyone’s right to puff. However, maybe I’d be more sympathetic if smokers weren’t so damn in your face.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

You Big Pansy

Artist Paul Harfleet has come up with an interesting new way to draw attention to homophobia – if a little stereotypical. He plants pansies.

Originally his project was to plant pansies at all the places he had experienced homophobia, but more recently he planted one in London, at the spot which David Morley, bar man, was brutally killed by a gang. The Pansy Project is appearing as part of the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival.

It’s maybe not the most useful thing to do to combat homophobia, but it certainly draws attention to the sad fact that all gay people have probably experienced homophobia at some time in their life. If we planted pansies in every place, we’d have one bloody big garden.On
Sunday April 1st Harfleet will be manning a stall of pansies placed alongside the bookstalls near to BFI Southbank (London). From 12-4pm he will be on hand to distribute the flowers and chat about The Pansy Project to interested passers by. I obviously can’t drop by, but anyone nearby should definitely check it out.

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Pink Pounds… Lots of Them

62 million pink pounds to be exact. That’s the latest figure for spending on civil partnerships since their introduction in the UK. That’s rather a lot of matching pink tuxedos; tiered cakes with two women on top, and celebratory invite cards. We’re obviously a generous lot.

Of course, it could also be that we don’t have several children already by the time we decide it’s time to make the whole thing legit. It could also be because lots of older, established professional couples now have the opportunity to mark their relationships.

Next time I get an invitation to attend one of these ceremonies (not that many are forthcoming), I shall be considering my position carefully. The same research shows that ceremonies are costly for guests too, with guests spending an average of £700 on gifts, travel, hotels and food. That’s a hell of a lot of money for a wedding.

We’re obviously open-handed. That’s the stereotype of gay males anyway, but given my current financial situation, I’m slightly more miserly. I may just be sending my apologies, and a set of towels.

It does not strike me as coincidental that no homophobic government ever accuses us the LGBT community of not contributing to society financially….

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Gordon Doesn't Like Us


Gordon Brown's budget for next year has been announced. He's pranced about with his red briefcase, spitting on his neighbour, who just won't leave. He always gets the bad jobs nowadays - and no one likes him that much anymore. But it's ok - because at least he can penalise the gays (albeit indirectly).

Disregarding the taxes on income, petrol and air travel, lesbians come off worse than gay men. We all know gay men smoke at the very least 2 packets of 20 cigarettes a week, drink at least 4 glasses of wine and 10 or more double measures of spirits. And that’s a pretty conservative estimate. However, according to the BBC’s trusty budget calculator, they will only be £24.18 worse off than this year.

Lesbians, on the other hand, smoking only 1 packet of 20 cigarettes, drinking 4 glasses of wine and 10 pints in their week will be £33.53 worse off than this year. Seeing as we also all come from the middle of nowhere (yes, I know we’ve all moved to the city, but where did we grow up? Yes, in a sexually repressed and homophobic country village), the road tax will penalise us – we have to go home to visit our parents. This road tax is only adding insult to injury – going home is bad enough thank you. Does Gordon not like us much? Does he sympathise with the gay men? And if so, does his wife know?


The next time a gay man offers to buy you a drink – take it. It’s going to be a frugal year.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

On The Move


Oooer. These gays really are getting everywhere. Not only are we obviously taking over the music industry in order to corrupt innocent Christian types, but we are even taking over the public transport industry.

It’s a well known fact we have almost single-handedly kept a variety of taxi firms from going bankrupt by insisting that we are picked up from the very door of gay bars and clubs tucked away in the middle of nowhere, likely on a one way system that means it takes an extra 10 minutes to get home. But now ever buses are pro-gay…. Whatever next?

I suppose I shouldn’t really be that surprised, I once met a gay guy in a bar who was not only a gay bus driver, but also all 8 of his friends where too. I really wouldn’t have had Arriva down as a gay-friendly employer, but I guess it must be.

Possibly someone in their marketing department swings the gay way too, as several double Decker buses now have an embarrassingly large advert for none other than Stonewall. (I tried very hard to get a photograph, but the damn thing kept moving, and it out ran me.) Very commendable sentiments, no to discrimination at work. I do wonder if those poor little old ladies know what the bus taking them to church is actually promoting.

Next – a rainbow line on the London Underground called ‘The Soho Line’. C’mon Captain Ken Livingstone! It would be wonderful for the 2012 Olympics…

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Beware Gay Music


One wouldn’t want to become corrupted by ‘gay’ music, apparently. But fear not, because now ‘Love God’s Way’ have a comprehensive list of bands you should avoid, lest you become corrupted.

I’ll admit that Scissor Sisters, KD Lang, Elton John and The Village People may have large gay fan bases. But, I can’t say I’ve seen many conversions solely due to their music. I may try playing them every time I see a hot girl...

Some of the bands on that list are admittedly the staples of gay clubs across the world. But some are just a bit odd, I mean – Jay-Z is gay music? Don’t tell him that. Frank Sinatra? Thousands of heterosexual couples will now have to rethink their first dance at a wedding.

The ‘Safe Bands’ are even more bewildering. I understand that P.O.D. are a Christian rock band, but I haven’t seen or heard of them since I was about 13. Cyndi Lauper’s music is both camp, and has rather obvious lesbian undertones (‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’?) Blondie’s classic ‘When I Think About You I Touch Myself’ is hardly extolling Christian virtues, and was one of the songs I picked up at my first Pride. Blondie has even spoken to lesbian magazine, saying she enjoys lesbian sex as part of her 'pretty exotic lifestyle'

Evanescence, well, yes, I guess they are supposedly Christian. But Amy Lee is still hot. And, more importantly she lists her influences include Bjork – who appears on the ‘Gay Bands’ list!

I’m rather glad I’m not a parent faced with so many contradictory feelings when trying to protect my child from the demon heterosexual. But I’m even more glad I’m not their child.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

Safe Sex For Dummies

I’m back, and still taking as mature an attitude towards safe sex as usual. I’ve just smeared one of the free packs of lube onto my flat mates door handle. I’m just nice like that, and I know it will gross her out.

Lesbians don’t appear to take a terribly serious attitude towards safe sex, if the attitudes of LGBTA members are anything to go by. The initial confusion as to why we gave them condoms was cleared up in two syllables ‘sex toys’, and was then laughed off. Unravelling, inflating and flicking of the condoms followed. The lube was then similarly violated, ending with the dental dams being licked for their ‘flavour’ and then generally derided as being a rather disgusting form of safer sex.

Gay men are constantly pushed condoms, check the bar and door of any gay club. Looking around I guess maybe the lesbians in most clubs are too ugly to pull, but they could at least massage their egos by providing some of the elusive ‘girls’ packs.

It’s true that girls are in a relatively low risk category in terms of STIs, I’m sure my mother would be thankful. But we still aren’t invincible. One wouldn’t want to catch something worse than the flu from a partner.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

London Baby Yeah


On St. Patrick's Day this year I shall be living it up in London, Soho to be exact. I'm already planning a 'I'm Irish, buy me a drink' night. The fact that it's Mother's Day the day after is slightly cruel. I might position my phone by the bed so I at least don't have far to crawl.

I have to say I do think the idea of a gay village in every city is a great idea. Not only does it provide a safer area for LGBT people to go out in, but it means your hair doesn't get ruined on the way to another bar.

While Soho and Canal Street are official gay areas, it seems most cities have pockets of gay bars. Even Belfast. It's always struck me that gay bars are always out of the way, not on the central streets, and nearly always in clusters of at least three.

In Belfast you don't have far to walk between The Nest, Mynt, Union Street and the Kremlin. In Leicester, Rainbow and Dove, Amber and Bossa are all practically next door, and a 10 minute walk away you have Quebec, The Village and Streetlife.

It's not quite Soho, but one can always visit....

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Closet Case


Ruth Kelly has always courted a certain amount of publicity. She’s Tony Blair’s right hand woman, she’s a member of Opus Dei (extreme Catholics, as seen in the ‘Da Vinci Code’) and, she does look like a bit of a dyke.

I know she has kids, and a husband, and is a religious type. But really, she just looks like a stereotypical gay, short hair, dowdy trouser suits and even a low voice. The woman could be confused, and not in a gay teenage way.

Appearences are rather deceiving. Despite being Communities Secretary and Minister for Equality, she has yet to vote in favour of gay rights. Seems a bit silly to be a bigoted Minister for Equality. Bit silly to go to war because George Bush does too.

Her latest proposals are to end our hallowed gay bars. It’s not equal if we refuse to let straight people in. Maybe if Ms. Kelly went to a gay bar she’d see that it’s not that we don’t let them in. We do. I have a straight male friend who pulls females more often in a gay bar than in a straight bar. University societies have bar crawls which end in, and include gay bars and clubs. Not discounting the masses of fag hags who often outnumber the lesbians in any given bar.

We like straights who like us. If they want to dance and get merry while paying extortionate prices for Smirnoff Ice, they are welcome.


Please Ruth Kelly, come out (to a gay bar).

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