Handbags and Gladrags

Today I’m going to look at handbags. Or rather the lack of them. As I prepare for a night on the town I find myself wondering where exactly my lesbian counterparts put the essentials. I suppose we don’t really need the lip gloss and mascara, but the chewing gum is essential, and the wallet, the mobile phone and digital camera are useful, if not mandatory.

Am I missing something here? Do all my lesbian friends have extra pockets I don’t know about? (Or perhaps would rather not know about.) I’m afraid the hamster pocket look isn’t a good one for me, and I do object to having hips twice as wide as I actually do. I like to think of it as false advertising.

Maybe I just don’t notice where they put it, but I am resolved to watch very carefully where their money comes from next time I’m out. I’m in the lesbian club yes, but I am considering joining the magic circle – I saw a magician once who must have had the answer.

We do have lots of other magic tricks. The ability to drink as much as our male counterparts, burp like true men and even (some might say) imitate the walk of men to a T.* We have the ability to put men off with just a look of disinterest, and, if we so wish, seriously weird out straight girls. Come to think of it – why don’t we have a show in Blackpool?

Coming soon – ‘Funny Girls’ – Lesbian Illusions and
Magic’

“Simply fabulous – one minute my girlfriend
Jenny was sitting beside me, the next she had gone!”
-Billy, Bolton

“I’ve never looked back. Thanks Funny
Girls!”
-Jenny, Brighton