Sorting It Out
The story is a relatively simple one. They found a letter I was writing to my girlfriend among my papers and notes. Maybe I was too lax leaving it lying around, maybe it was fate and I couldn’t have avoided them. But I’m not one to dwell on the maybes, it happened.
My parents are at rock bottom, and I’m not lying or pretending to help pick them up. I’ve had every possibility thrown at me, I was influenced, it’s a phase, it’s me being rebellious, I’ve been indoctrinated, I’m being immature, I don’t really know what it means, I’m imagining it, I just haven’t met the right man: if it’s a feasible answer to them, it’s been chucked at me.
I’ve had the hysterics, the suicide threats, the guilt, the denial, the blame, the hate.
More practically, this will affect me in a more dramatic way than simply causing a fuss at home for a while. My parents are entirely adamant that I will not get any money from them. I don’t know if they expect that that will make me change, I’ve been quite honest – if I have no money, I’ll still be gay. They think I’m not thinking ahead, but I am. I’m already looking for jobs, I’m already considering how to reduce my expenditure and ensure I get my degree, money or none.
They claim I am being unfair when I’ve told them that if they will cut off my finance, I will move out and continue my degree with whatever money I can. But I don’t think I’m being unfair: I have never had a choice in choosing my sexuality, I can not repress it, I have no choice in whether or not they support me.
Really, it’s up to them.
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7 Comments:
wow. i don't check around here for awhile and not only have you updated again, but the proverbial shit has hit the proverbial fan, so to speak.
i wish you the best with dealing with your parents--amazing how no matter how cliche the responses are, they still surprise us for being so?
one of my favorite SNL skits has to do with a drug for homophobic parents; the taglines are, "because it's not their problem," and, "until you come around."
you know who you are. that's what matters.k
Ack. When I saw your last post I prayed it wouldn't turn out so badly. I'm so sorry they reacted like this.
yes, I agree with pezgirl that you have kept your mind strong and still able to think so reasonably through such times like these. I hope your resilience will keep you through this until your parents realize the mistake that they are making. Your parents are just making it worse to think that any financial incentives could mean you would change your ways. I hope you'll call their bluff and they see the error of their ways. I'm also glad that now you dont have to go on like you are hiding anything from your parents anymore. Stay strong girl
our thoughts are with you,
good luck
Scarlet x
Wow--I'm sorry to hear that your coming out was so turbulent! I wish I could offer up some sage piece of advice that would make your situation suck less, but most advice tends to fall short in such cases.
I hope your parents manage to pull their heads out of their respective hindquarters. Until they do, I wish you the best of luck!
Stay strong, my dear!
We're born as we're born.. none of us can change that. Given time we can only hope those around us will accept it.
Thanks for stopping by at my new place. I'm coming along, day by day..
~hugs~
Emily
Thinking of you.
My girlfriend's parents reacted similarly when she came out to them. (They're from a different culture, and the whole idea was quite alien to them.) She was very prepared to be completely cut off and start supporting herself. However, several years on, they aren't *happy* but they are starting to accept it. They've even had me to stay in their house. It will take time, but your parents may start to accept it. And if they don't, you'll cope fine without them.
Best of luck to you. I do like your blog!
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