Da Girl Band Code

H, of ‘Steps’ fame has come out of the closet. I’d never have guessed. But, he’s a bit slow. He follows on from Stephen Gately (Boyzone), Mark Feehily (Westlife), Lance Bass (N Sync) and Andrew Kinlochan (Phixx). It’s always been clear that boy bands needed a camp, girly one, with blue eyes and nice hair. But what girl bands have a tank top wearing, spiky haired lesbian? (We aren’t mentioning Tatu here)

So maybe a girl band isn’t the perfect career choice for me. I can sing, and I like to think I can sing bloody well… But I know my voice isn’t suited to ‘Sugababes’ classics, and I still groan at the play on words in ‘Girls Aloud’ *groan *

Maybe karaoke is as close as I’ll get to pop stardom. Music is one of those industries where it’s more acceptable for men than women to be gay. One of the few out and proud lesbians is KD Lang, followed closely by Melissa Etheridge, but many of the others are obscure and unheard of. ‘Horse’ is a gay icon, but who outside the lesbian fold has actually heard of her? Alex Parks was a lesbian, who achieved some mainstream success, but few people, other than lesbians, actually remember who she even was in the first place. (And it pains me to admit that.)

I’m no pop expert, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but what girl band or pop diva is gay? (With the exception of a possibly bi P!nk) They may flirt with it, knowing fine rightly the gullible lesbian public, obviously coaxed by silver hot pants, will run out to buy it.

That’s another thing – how many hetero men actually like girly pop music enough to go out and buy it? I would imagine the answer is very few. Yet Jessica Simpson is prancing around in hot pants and pouty lips, Britney (when sober) is shoving her cleavage in my face, and Christina is straddling a chair.

The conspiracy deepens…