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Straight Talking
About Me


Name::straighttalker05
From::Northern Ireland, United Kingdom
I'm an avid dreamer. I have big ideas, and I'll probably take them somewhere. Watch this space. I want to present what I think - and not with words minced up into an acceptable platter. Some things need to be told straight - particularly gay rights. Particularly life in the closet, it's very nature means no one hears it. If they do it's usually tinted with nostalgia. I'm confident, I know what I like and what I don't. Please don't confuse this for arrogance. I'm probably more insecure then you imagine.
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Straight Talker is a poor student now.

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

Chat Up Lines

Thank you all for your birthday wishes. The event has passed reasonably quietly. I drank the bar out of their weekly supply of Smirnoff Ice, and had a largely trouble free night with the least bitchy of my acquaintances.

Perhaps the most difficult part of my birthday weekend was justifying my presents to my mother. One friend thought it would be most humorous to buy me a book, “How to chat up women”, which I can recommend, despite giving a wholly heterosexual outlook on dating. I hope my friend was suggesting the irony of me not needing a book. It has however offered me some advice on the role of facial hair in flirting. Apparently if I grow a goatee I will attract a different kind of woman. I bet.

I justified the above gift with a made up tale of me chatting up the dinner ladies in school to get bigger portions. The very thought of chatting up our gnarled dinner ladies makes my little stomach turn.

Another friend got me a nice card with a picture of a masturbating woman on the front of it. She had, at least, pre warned me of this. Thank god I took her warning seriously. That would have been slightly more difficult to explain. I think the vibrating laser gun toy from another person who perhaps thinks I am about to begin childhood regression may also have connotations, but not any my parents would pick up on.

My new snazzy walkman mobile phone has been filled up with the best of dykish tunes, meaning I can declare my sexuality covertly by my music choice on the move.

Oh to be 17 again….

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6 Comments:

Blogger Maggie said...

You may want to consider a goatee if you have to chat up the lunch ladies....some of them have more facial hair than my Da!

P.S.
Happy Belated Birthday!

Mon Jun 12, 03:23:00 AM  
Blogger S.I.D. said...

Yeah, Happy Belated Birthday!

Got your student house in Belfast yet?

Tue Jun 13, 07:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'll never be 17 again.

From here on in, it's all downhill.

Before you know it, your tits will be around your waist and you won't be able to find your false teeth, because you've forgotten were you left your bifocals.

There'll be no point asking for help, because you won't be able to hear any of the answers the others in the old folks home give you, due to the fact that no-ones changed your hearing aid betteries for the last 11 years.

Student house in Belfast? Is that some kind of secret code?

Tue Jun 13, 07:45:00 PM  
Blogger straighttalker05 said...

Maggie - They do have impressive beards. They also have abcesses I can't identify. That worries me.

S.I.D - I'll be staying up in ye holy lands for a week in the summer, and I always have a promise of grotty floor there, but I'll be finding my own grotty floor in Leicester next year!

Piggy and tazzy - Thank you for your kind and thought provoking wishes. I shall of course give you a call when I am unable to keep my piss to myself.

Student house could be said to be secret code I guess.

Tue Jun 13, 08:04:00 PM  
Blogger Reluctant Nomad said...

Belated as usual, I am! And I really shouldn't have been in your case since our birthdays are so close to each other. However, better late than never:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

xx

Tue Jun 13, 10:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

belated happy birthday wishes! I'm afriad i'm too tired to elaborate.

Thu Jun 15, 08:58:00 PM  

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