And the award goes to......

As school draws to a close, plans for the Leaver’s Dinner are in full swing. 150 little girls are lathering into a frenzy by talk of dresses and drink. I am the other hand and am only glad that this time I can get away with wearing trousers, and no, I won’t be wearing heels.

And as if having another excuse to dress up wasn’t quite enough excitement for girls about to enter into major exams, they are having their own version of the Oscar’s. This awards ceremony it would appear will be totally bitchy, and totally naff.

The awards being nominated for include “Best Ginger”, “Best Malteaser” brunette who is blonde inside), and even the tactfully named “Best Dyke”. As I’ve said before, the awards totally reflect my year, bitchy and generally meaningless.

Now there are a few I should be in the running for, although I’m happy enough to pass over “Most Like Vicky Pollard”. However, much to my amazement (and slight tinge of disappointment), I’m not even nominated for “Best Dyke”. Everyone who is nominated not only has a boyfriend, but I could totally beat them in a KD Lang pop quiz.

But then, of course I’m not nominated. Nominating me for such an award would almost certainly make me burst into tears, because I am (to the best of their knowledge) in a deep, deep pool of denial.

It’s also the unwritten law that you don’t vote for the person who really deserves the award in case they are offended. I mean, the person in the lead for “Best Ginger” went brunette at least 5 years ago.

It may also be a sign that I have succeeded in pulling the wool over every single one of their probing little eyes.

And to think, I have my coming out/acceptance speech all ready.