School Yearbook

As the school yearbook is compiled (how very American), I am reflecting both positively and negatively on my time at school. I have been lucky in that I have not faced extreme bullying or hatred. I have tided myself along, in my opinion, well.

I write my page, which details my favourite moments and my most embarrassing moments, I can’t help but feel that even in the climate of reflection throughout the year, I am still different. My experience as a young gay girl fighting to remain in the closet and avoid suspicion does seem to have very different highs and lows to the rest of my peers.

I must envy those whose most embarrassing moment was falling off a chair in English in 2000, or spilling beans down their skirt in 1999. They all seem comparatively simple to me. As I was battling to contain my blushes in front of an attractive female teacher; they were doodling on their files. As I struggled to comprehend how I could be different, and why I did not find any of the boy bands attractive, they were happily singing those repetitive choruses to each other.

I crawl towards the end of my school career with a great heave of relief. I am not bitter; I have enjoyed my school life in many ways. However I will not be sorry to leave the tingeing memories behind me with the homophobic jokes.

The one school subject I have struggled with the most is not chemistry or French, it was studying the others around me to fit in. Not fitting in to make myself feel better – conformity is undesirable in my opinion. Fitting in to bide my time, to make it less painful, and to make it pass quicker.

In many ways my yearbook page reflects me well. Full of the pretences on which I have based my school life. It’s tempting to leave in a blaze of fire, replace my page of the yearbook with a declaration of my sexuality. Tempting, but impractical.

Yes, my most embarrassing moment was falling down the stairs in front of the headmaster.
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Note: I highly recommend you check out the ‘Education for All’ campaign by Stonewall. It aims to tackle homophobia and bullying in schools.