Insistence and Confusion

Confused. This is what I am apparently. This is because I have volumes of gay friends. Of course, gay friends must be evilly influencing me to make me gay. Oh yes, and I talk about gay rights too much to not be confused.

Isn’t it most ironic that when I was confused, and I was exceedingly confused at a time, no one around me noticed any change in me? I was in a bad way for several months, not sleeping, under performing in school and generally living in a world of my own. Maybe they figured it was just teenage angst, but I have a sneaking suspicion they just didn’t notice. And now, when I have never been less confused, I get accused of being insecure and confused. Of course, my protests that I AM NOT confused fall on death ears. Obviously my persistence is yet further evidence that inside I am really tearing myself up.

I almost feel like getting married and having 2.5 children to prove to this excessive know it all that I am not currently confused. But upon consideration that sounds like I am confused. I think that she didn't notice when I was confused is testament enough to the fact she is wrong about knowing me so well.

If and when I come out to this girl, I can almost hear her singsong voice squealing ‘I told you so’. And when I tell her I have in fact been entirely sure and comfortable with my sexuality since I was 15, I am quite sure she won’t believe me. Persistence would just be evidence of me lying.

It’s all so very… confusing.