Above the Influence

Some may consider me paranoid. I play music on headphones loudly in study, not because I think people are whispering about me behind my back, but because I know they are. For some reason it’s easier to concentrate if you can’t hear them – they don’t go away, but I can at least block them out.

“I can’t hear you, I know you are still there but I have made the decision to ignore you.”

The ‘Above the Influence’ campaign asks if you are above the petty influence of peers who don’t have your best interests at heart – focusing on rejecting negative influences and being yourself. It’s easy for me to say now ‘I am’, but put me in a situation and I will find myself floating along the river without realising how deep I’m in. I’m lucky in some ways – my paranoia sometimes saves me because it forces me to reassess situations.

“No I don’t want to be with you because you demean me.”

Perhaps I’m too picky. There are few I count among my closet countenances. I don’t want or need to be the centre of attention. I don’t need praise from my friends. I do require a certain level and honesty. Once bitten twice shy. I may lose friends over my decisions to be myself, but then, what friends were they anyway. Those who I count among my closest would follow me I know. If others remain behind me, they are behind me.

“If you stab me in the back, I will not seek vengeance, I will keep walking.”

I’m not looking down on those who made different choices to me. They chose their road, and I chose mine. From my path I can see them clearly, and I am glad they are not my travel partners.

“Anything that makes me less than me, is not for me.”

New Year may seem an apt time to communicate a message of rebirth, new thinking and a clearer view. But I would prefer to be continually changing and learning throughout the year.