This Is Your Life

I look back sometimes. Over my shoulder at the things I’ve said in the past, and the actions I’ve made, that look positively absurd now. Watching myself in time that’s gone is like a grainy film – with bad hair, bad clothes and usually pretty poor acting, if I do say so myself.

But what is most frustrating about memories, is that I’m watching them. Like the films where you want to shake the character and tell them to wise up and realise that they love their best friend, you can’t change anything.

As if it’s the curse of being able to remember the happy moments of life, we also have to face, again, those that were painful. Being mocked and coming up with a witty retort 7 years too late is a hard price to pay for watching a re run of your first kiss.

If my life were a DVD, where would the chapters start and end? I can see some breaks that would make sense to me, but would seem incoherent to others. If I could rewind and watch myself again – where would I start? If I were to fast-forward – what would I see? And would I want to see it anyway?

If I knew life would end in despair – would I live my life to the full potential or lay down and give up? Sometimes blindness is good. It stops us seeing that which we don’t want to see, and that which we need not to see.