Computer Control

My parents are computer illiterate. They can just about type in Word and click print. I think they consider me the spawn of a new generation, spending hours sitting in front of a screen tapping my hands in some sort of alien Morse code.

They are amazed at how I can theoretically do all my studying and shopping from the comfort of my computer chair. I can contact family across the world. I can also meet lesbians from my area – but they don’t know that.

They still look amazed when little packages pop through the door from ebay. The very idea that I can order all the books from my course without having to trawl through bookshops (and indeed, get them second hand, and cheaper) is almost beyond their comprehension.

Who needs the radio times when you have google? Who needs HMV when you have downloads? Who needs parents when you can adopt someone much more to your liking from a forum? Who needs a counsellor when you can pop virtual bubble wrap till your heart’s content?

Soon you’ll even be able to book your Civil Partnership online in Brighton and Hove. You can probably order your outfit, flowers and possibly even guests online. Who needs physical contact when you have broadband??

My parents are trying very hard to understand this new world. But to be fair, it’s almost worth keeping them in the dark...