Mixed Signals

I’m again venturing onto uncharted territory. Straights. Or more specifically straights that like to imagine they could dabble in homosexuality. I’m sure I’m not the first lesbian to become wholly frustrated by the attentions of a girl who I know isn’t actually interested in me, other than for novelty value.

Perhaps they are guiltless and don’t realise they are overtly flirting. Maybe they are just tactile. But more than likely they find the enigma of lesbianism something to toy with. Like those furry cat toys on the end of a string, I am but nylon fibres.

‘Sure’, you say, ‘What’s the harm in a bit of flirtation?’

Well, you see, it’s not the principle of the flirtation; it’s the completely pointless nature of it. It is also totally unrequited in many ways. They flirt with me, I know they are straight and therefore don’t flirt back. I flirt back; they get all weirded out by the whole lesbian thing, drop major hints about ‘my BOYFRIEND’ and back off. In reality it’s not how the ideal flirting exchange goes at any stretch of the imagination.

So to sum up the full cycle:

1. Girl hears that I am gay.
2. Girl suddenly finds my jokes funny, gazes at me longingly and pats my knee.
3. Girl just so suddenly realises that I am a full on, real life, homosexual and therefore must fancy her and imagine her in a school uniform (because that’s what lesbians do.)
4. Girl hurriedly mentions boyfriend, longing for 100 children and a big shoe to live in.
5. I wonder if I really am THAT scary.

I guess this is address at Ms. Jekyll and Miss Hyde. Stop messing with our brains. How would you feel if a gay male put YOU through such torment?