School Bus Blues

As baby-dykes prepare to wave bye bye to the summer holidays and file pride memories somewhere in their brain behind French revolution dates, I thought it was time to muse about school life, and in particular school life as a closeted lesbian.

I’m not out at school, although I think in some circles it is generally presumed I’m gay and in denial (little do they know). I know for a fact there are some people in my small-town-conservative-all-girls-grammar school who couldn’t care less about my sexuality. This group either don’t know me, don’t care to know me or are frankly too busy chatting up boys at the bus station and re applying orange tint foundation to give me a second thought.

And yet there is still the cloud hanging over my horizon – those whom I know from their attitude, seemingly throw away comments and malicious judgements would make my school life most unpleasant. Maybe they are homophobic, uneducated, or just plain bitchy.

It’s easy for you to say ‘Ignore them’, ‘Who cares what they think’ and ‘Be who you are’, but you forget I’m not armed with my lesbian toolkit in school. I can’t hide behind rainbow accessories and a myriad of like-minded individuals. I’m in my school uniform and feel most vulnerable to the seemingly evil girls with their make up brushes and illegal cigarette lighters.

Not to say that all schools are narrow minded hell holes for closeted, or out lesbians. I can’t say I don’t enjoy my school days, and I know this time next year I will possibly be reminiscing on them as the best days of my life. But I can’t pretend I’m looking forward to acting ‘straight’ for fear of bullying.

School does have it’s perks – cute female teachers to stare at, the ever present short (and getting shorter) school skirts to perv at, and of course, the joy of having a life ruled by bells that I’m sure are at least 3 decibels over the legal limit of noise to be inflicted on minors 17 times a day….

So whether you are among the crowds of minions heading back to school this September, or if you can look back on your time at school and claim we haven’t got it half as bad as ‘in my day’, spare a thought for those of us who are getting their school uniforms out of the closet, dusting them off, and climbing in.

Recommended links:

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Photograph - Copyright Shadowdraco 2005. http://shadows-randoms.deviantart.com/

An Introduction To Me

It’s easier for me to be anonymous. Cowardly perhaps. But it would be rude of me not to give you some idea of the real me. I’m a pre-writer. That is, I don’t have a career in writing. Maybe I’ll tell you my name when I do, but for now names aren’t important. Think of me as one of the strangers you’ve met, whose name you missed.

So I live in Northern Ireland. Some believe it’s a country torn apart by it’s own people; maybe it is, but come see for yourself. Having been in Dublin once doesn’t count.

My town is medium – average like nearly everyone in it. It’s anonymous too, and full of insular people doing insular things. Forgive me for not dwelling on it.

I’m still at school – read some of my blogs – go figure. I write about what I see and what I feel. I take inspiration from around me, from my left and my right. I’m not a gay writer – I’m just a writer who is gay, who finds herself writing about gay things – maybe because she can’t talk about them.

This blog was born from my mind, and it’s relationship with the internet. It’s a mixture of ingredients, and it’s ever evolving.

Someone once told me you see more of the real me through my words than any other outlet.

Read on.